The End

This will be my last post on Triple Play.  Kursk got back to our agency and said that due to the risk of negative publicity related to the Miles Harrison case they are not willing to refer siblings at this time.   Also the agency rep we spoke with today said that she’s not sure they are letting the TV man adopt the youngest boy.  Yes, you heard that right –  for the sake of avoiding negative press they have sentenced 3 boys to and institutional existence.  Apparently Russian culture would not reason that giving the boys an actual family would be better than keeping them in an orphanage with a 60% chance of entering a life of crime upon aging out.  Shift work nannies are preferable to actual parents if those parents are American. 

Because of our utter disgust with Russia for this decision we declined the offer to change to a region that is referring siblings.  Russia really doesn’t care about these children – they couldn’t possibly with the choice that they’ve made.  Yes, the orphanage workers do and the agency workers do…but as a whole, big picture kind of thing I will never be convinced of the logic of their decision.  It’s horrible and unexcusable.  

So to the Russian Federation, the Russian Ministry of Education and whatever individual made the decision to sentence these boys to the orphanage when a loving, financially secure couple waited to become their parents and give them a good family life:   you should be ashamed of yourselves.  I hope you feel good about yourselves in the moment because in time karma will prevail.

Onward

Getting past all of the contradictory statements dished out to us by our agency – what they were told by Russian officials – we need to move on.  On the same day we were notified we lost the boys, we were told that they could have a single child referral for us very quickly.  After some discussion, we have decided to decline that offer and have requested referral of a sibling group of 2, any gender up to age 6.   Our agency said their coordinator told them that getting a sibling referral will be harder than getting a referral for a single young girl, which goes against everything else we hear about Russian adoption – even our agency said a few weeks ago that Russians don’t adopt siblings, they tend to adopt singles only.  

We entered the Russian adoption arena last May in search of siblings and that is still our intent.  If siblings are not available, then we will bow out and happily wait for our single child referral from China, which we expect at the end of this year or early 2010.  We cannot do both Russia and China now, because as a result of all of the delays there is no way to satisfy the requirement of one year between placements. 

Our agency said we should hear something by the middle of next week.    As usual, stay tuned.

Strike Out

Our referral was for a sibling group of 3 boys age 3-8.  We were told that it would be highly unlikely to lose this referral based on the number, ages and gender of these referrals.   I imagined 3 boys in our lives, playing, learning and growing.  I let myself get attached. 

Today we got news that we have lost our referral.  There is a person who wants to adopt one of the children.  This person is apparently a “big wig” in the Russian TV world and despite wanting to keep the 3 boys together, officials fear that if they allow us to adopt them that he may in turn create negative media coverage of the region’s adoption process, officials or the like.  I understand that they have to think of how this could affect future adoptions, domestic or international, and it comes down to doing what’s best for the most number of children.

Please pray with me that this person is adopting with the right intent and that perhaps things will go well and he will ultimately agree to adopt the siblings.  It kills me to think of these brothers separated and of two left behind.

As for us, we will be talking about whether or not to accept the referral of a single and our agency will be asking about the possibility of a quick referral for siblings, as that is why we initially ventured into the world of Russian adoption.   I will let you all know what happens. 

For now I’m off to grieve.

Silence

The call from our agency last Friday gave us some hope that we would have some level of an answer this week.  Our rep said that there is a person involved on the Russia side who is holding up our process.  Their contact said he believes that this person is not opposed to the adoption per se, but that she fears for her job in some way if she lets us move forward because that means her efforts to find a Russian family have failed.  Obviously it is preferable for Russian children to be adopted by Russian families, however due to the fact this is a sibling group of 3 chances of finding a Russian family to adopt them is as close to zero as you can get.  Our agency’s contact was to meet with Federal Russian officials early this week to discuss the case with hopes that they would tell this regional official to move forward – then she would feel better doing so.  Our agency rep said that she expected to at least hear their contact’s impression of how the meeting went by Wednesday.  When I hadn’t heard anything by the end fo the day I called our agency rep and she acted quite surprised at my call and said she would send an email that afternoon and would maybe hear something.  Still nothing. 

Due to us being advised to NOT send in the passport that expires later this year for update in case we get travel dates, we are now very close to the end of our ability to get a visa for travel – the passport must be valid 6 months past the visa return date.  When we get to that point we will be having a heart to heart with our agency and will likely have to pull out.

Final Push for Trip 1 Dates?

We heard from our agency yet another reason for our continued delay for trip 1 travel dates.  I won’t spill all the details here yet, but will say there is a meeting happening in Russia soon and we should know more about whether or not this is actually going to happen by the end of next week.  Our agency said they are NOT giving up on these referrals.  Stay tuned.  I’ll post details after.

The Zen of Adoption

For more than four years we’ve been in the adoption process.  Through that time we’ve encountered many challenges, glitches, roadblocks, delays, more delays, slow downs, stalls…you name it.   I think I’ve taken them in stride – even welcoming a slow down as I adjusted to a new job a while back.  I’ve been patient, annoyed, hopeful, frustrated, excited…normal for adoption. 

But now…now it’s different.  I feel like I’m losing my balance and the frustration is morphing to anger…anger that three children unlikely to be adopted by a Russian family due to their ages continue in institutional living despite the fact a loving, stable, happy, financially secure couple desperately wants to meet them and ultimately bring them home…anger that someone, somewhere in Russia keeps finding reasons to keep this adoption from moving forward…anger that it’s the children who ultimately suffer for it.   If only Russia would give our agency a solid reason for the delay, maybe it would be easier to take.  

I miss the enthusiasm of the process – the spirit that made designing the childrens’ room, shopping for toys, investigating their school and other resources, studying attachment, learning Russian and imagining our future as a family so much fun.   I’ve let the anger win for fear the enthusiasm would be for naught.  I need to let it go and let the process be what it will be.  I need to rediscover my positive thinking in all of this.  I need to let the light back into my heart and hope it shines brightly enough to bring these children home.

When Love Takes You In

I pray every night for our referrals to somehow feel the love that I already have for them, to feel comforted by it, and for them to have a loving family soon…even if it’s not meant to be us.  

I had a very rough day emotionally yesterday with the wait.  Someone on FRUA posted a link to this video by Steven Curtis Chapman.  I think it’s beautiful and I felt very encouraged by it.  Thank you!

When Love Takes You In

Home Study Status

We got news from our home study agency that they have sent the appropriate paperwork required to get their name off of Russia’s “blacklist” of agencies.  Now they wait for confirmation of receipt by the Ministry of Education, at which time they expect to be taken off the list and our paperwork from them should stand up in court.  

No news this week about our referrals or our travel dates.

Moved

When we started this adoption, the children we were referred were in two separate locations – we were told based on age.  As of this week, the two youngest were moved to the same boarding school as the oldest so that the three would be together.  Based on the ages of the younger ones, I’m guessing this move was not easy for them, despite now being with their older sibling.  While we knew a little about the home they were in before the move, we know nothing about the boarding school or how the children were prepared for this significant transition.

As usual our agency said they hope to have travel dates for us soon.

Passing on the Passport Renewal

Americans are required to get a visa to travel to Russia.  To get a visa, your passport is supposed to be valid for at least 6 months post-travel.  One of our passports expires later this year and unless we travel in the next few weeks, it won’t meet this visa requirement.  I contacted our agency representative who discussed this with their coordinator in Russia and was advised to NOT renew the passport in until we get back from trip 1.

Should I get my hopes up yet again and assume this means we will travel very soon?  Or should I be nervous that we won’t and then we’ll have a hard time getting an emergency passport renewal?  Optimism or Pessimism?  Usually an easy choice for me, but this one’s a tough call…